does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
