worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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