so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
