You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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