That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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