the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
