In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
