how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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