just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
