holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My vagina is officially offended.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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