It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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