I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
