Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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