Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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