obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
