Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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