Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
