watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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