Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
