im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
