thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
