Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
