I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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