Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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