You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize