that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
