She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
