take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize