Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
