i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize