Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will be naked everywhere
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
