i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
