Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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