forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
