It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
