There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
