I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
