So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
did i walk over a car last night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
