Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
