I think my fart just growled at me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
