I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
