Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it glows. i had to have it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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