she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize