So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
