If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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