You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
