god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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