As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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