He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
