Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
