He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
