the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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