Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
