He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
