exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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