Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
