I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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